I shall call it Keanuvision

Reload: Countdown
to the Matrix
How to spend each day in breathless anticipation of the biggest movie ever:

May 2:
Choose between the red or the blue pill. The red one reduces your allergies, the blue one provides nasal drip relief

May 3:
Buy Matrix clothing, including Matrix underpants. Write "The One" on crotch.

May 4:
When feeling of Deja Vu occurs and you see your cat twice, shoot the cat.

May 5:
Tell your parents, "None of this is real. It's all imaginary!" When they ask, "What's not real?" Respond with: "The stains on my sheets."

May 6:
Enter into the Matrix by sticking an electric cord into the back of your head, but be sure to install a socket back there first.

May 7:
Stock up on Matrix tie-in products like Cadillac Escalades and Neosporin.

May 8:
Free your mind by purchasing Matrix Happy Meals at McDonalds.

May 9:
Buy pair of sunglasses and trenchcoat. Stand out on city street corner with cup. Collect enough money to purchase ticket to see movie.

May 10:
Make out with Carrie Anne Moss. Or your pillow, whichever is available to you.

May 11:
Move in slow motion, don't walk, to your local movie theater to stand in line for the next few days. Be a loser in "bullet time."

May 12:
Log onto movie spoiler sites to read all about how the movie begins and ends, ruining any sort of surprises that you might have had (remember, surprises aren't real, but part of the Matrix.)

May 13:
Stop to remember that you can't wait to see a movie that stars Keanu Reeves.

May 14:
The Matrix Reloaded opens. Sit in dark theater with hundreds of other people who have "The One" written on their crotch.

 

- Brandon Stahl