CALL NOW!*

The Rad Boys Are Coming to the Odeon Field in New Hampton!

CALL NOW!

Tickets Have Just Gone on Sale!

CALL NOW!

* Please Note: The band "the Rad Boys" is in no way affiliated with SBC, its employees or its shareholders. That SBC happens to have a commercial portraying excited pre-teen and teenaged girls attempting to obtain tickets that have just gone on sale to a "Rad Boys" concert illustrating that SBC's operators are "ready for anything" is purely a coincidence.

• "The Rad Boys" is, in fact, a real band. Apparently, SBC's legal department did not attempt to check on this before filming and airing their commercial.

• Despite this, we in no way want SBC or its shareholders to think we are angry or that we are considering legal action. This was purely an understandble mixup.

However, we do feel that a few clarifications need to be made about "the Rad Boys":

• We are not a "boy band." Our primary audience is not pre-teen and teenaged girls, but middle-aged men and women. Our music is mostly slow jazz with a classical influence. We have three horn players, a bassist, a classical guitarist and a drummer. The six members of "the Rad Boys" range in age from 35 to 58. We called ourselves "the Rad Boys" in an attempt to be ironic and make ourselves feel young.

• Despite these facts, thousands of curious pre-teen and teenaged girls have called our homes in attempts to obtain CDs of our music.

• Unfortunately, the members of "the Rad Boys" are registered sex offenders, recently paroled after serving several years for child molestation.

• In fact, child molestation is what brought us together. After enduring years of therapy in prison, we found that making music together was the only way to control our demon-like hunger for young girls, earning us an early parole.

• We've been clean for two years, so you can imagine our shock when we saw a commercial featuring thousands of young girls screaming and begging to get tickets to see us play.

• Rob, the drummer, who was the one guy on the edge when he was paroled -- honestly, we didn't think he should have been -- yelled "Jackpot!"

• Tim, the bassist, who had developed a pretty bad case of the shakes over the past two years, bellowed "I am free again!"

• The three horn players immediately shed their pants.

• It crossed our mind to actually throw a concert, to, you know, invite young girls to our concert.

• We'd give them backstage passes.

• They wouldn't have to know that we're middle-aged men. Some of us could pass for late 20's, early 30s.

• When the girls started calling in mobs, we had to lock up Rob. In fact, he's still locked up. He might be dead. I'm afraid to check — the smell is awful either way.

• The horn players have yet to pull their pants back up.

• This is honestly torture. One girl calls me and says: "are you the Rad Boys?" "Um, yes..." "Oh god! I can't believe it!" she says, "I'm talking to the Rad Boys! Can I please please please come over and listen to you guys play! I'd do anything for a ticket to your concert."

• Seriously, what the hell am I supposed to say to that?

• Say you love riding roller coasters. I mean, really, truly love to ride coasters, like it's the only thing that makes you feel like a man, and some guy comes to you and says "here's a lifetime pass to all the roller coasters in the world" what would you do?

• Your ass would be riding roller coasters.

• I bet she's got really pretty hair. I bet it smells like strawberries.

• And yet all we wanted to do was play music.

• Which we'll be doing at the Odeon Field in New Hampton

• Call now.