Cuba Wants More Comedian Lesbians

Fidel Castro announced today that he could give a crap about Elian Gonzales. "I didn't say 'Elian,' I said 'Ellen,'" the communist/loving dictator proclaimed. "With the U.S. trade embargo, the one import we've been missing is comedian lesbians. United States has plenty, won't give us one."

While Ellen Degeneres was happy to be wanted, she has so far refused to accept the invitation. "First off, I don't like communism, except for Yakov Smirnoff. Second, I haven't been a comedian since the next-to-last season of 'Ellen.' That was my show, if anyone remembers." However, her life partner, Anne "I'm Not The Butch One" Heche felt differently. "I wouldn't mind going over there. I've always wanted to see where Ricardo grew up." When informed that his first name is actually Fidel, she smiled. "No, I'm sure it's Ricky. Well, sometimes Fred Mertz would call him Rick."

With so many entertainers making trips to Cuba, one has to ask themselves how long Ellen can hold out on Fidel. "As long as he has a penis," Degeneres said.

-Eric Butterman