Congratulations on the acquisition of your new bitch.
Whether you have obtained your bitch through the use of
force, campaign contributions, or blackmail, you will
soon find that having a bitch can dramatically improve
your daily life.
This guide is designed to help you get the most out of
your bitch, as well as to help you explore the relationship
you’ll have with your bitch, until the day you pop
a cap in his ass.
Know your bitch
Before we get started, let’s identify a few of the
common types of bitches so that you can see which class
your bitch falls into.
George Bush
Controlled by Major
Corporations Bitch |
Mike Tyson
Professional
Boxing Bitch |
Detroit Tigers
Baseball
Team Bitch |
Addressing Your Bitch
Whenever you speak to your bitch, be sure to begin or
end each sentence with the word "Bitch." This
emphasis will both communicate to your bitch that you're
in charge, and make you look sexy if there are ladies
in the room. Examples are:
Bitch, you finished making me that sandiwich or what?
How many times I got to tell you not to buy that
low-fat mayonnaise, Bitch?
For extra emphasis, begin and end a sentence
with the magic word:
"Bitch don't play these games with me bitch!
Now go get on that sandwich, bitch!"
Also, in the event that you are angry at your bitch,
it is often effective to talk about him as if he were
not present. For added emphasis, bounce nervously from
side to side in your lazy boy and cock your neck on every
third word, as if his mistake has driven you to a state
of near-insanity.
Example:
Bitch done fucked up good this time! I asked for
a cold-cut combo and this is a fuckin' turkey sub!
Rewarding Your Bitch
On very rare occasions, bitches do need to receive some
positive reinforcement. You may consider rewarding your
bitch if he or she suprises you by performing an unexpected
service. These sorts of services might include scrubbing
the whitewalls on your Caddy, or invading a country beneficial
to your industry. However, it is important never to go
overboard with your rewards, lest you give your bitch
more respect than he or she deserves.
Here are some recommended rewards for your bitch:
Pabst Blue Ribbon
(Be sure to spit in it first) |
TJ Maxx Outing
Drop him off a the front door, but don't stop, just
slow down. |
-Travis
Daub
