To: Capcom of America, Ltd.

Dear Mr. Capcom,

I love your Street Fighter games. They are the best games of all time! I play them all day long. Once a guy I know tried to tell me that the Street Fighter games were old and useless, I yelled "HADUKEN!" and charged at him; think he learned his lesson. (How do you spell "Haduken"?)

I am writing to you because Daily Radar employee Bill Federman told me that recent and upcoming Capcom games will not include the character "E. Honda" and his patented "Thousand Chop" maneuver.

This is unacceptable.

I have been an avid player of "Street Fighter 2", where my fighting strategy was to simply select "E. Honda" and use the "Thousand Chop" move over and over again until my opponent either lost or left in disgust. I achieved similar, but not identical, results with Blanka and his 'electric' move. With the recent changes your Japanese development team of BUTCHERS have entered into the Street Fighter franchise, I feel disheartened and slightly aloof. How can I be coaxed into playing a Capcom 2-D fighting game without a big fat sumo wrestler who can do a thousand chops in 3 seconds?

I am calling for a worldwide boycott of Capcom and "Nice and Easy" Haircare products (Which are not affiliated with you but I bet you will feel sorry when you get split ends!). I am sorry that it has come to this. I simply cannot accept a game where I AM NOT ALLOWED to play as a big fat sumo wrestler who can chop REALLY fast. This is the biggest outrage since sliced bread. You may be able to silence me, but you will never be able to silence the LEGIONS of former Street Fighter players who will NOT stand being told they cannot be a big fat sumo wrestler who can chop really fast. E. Honda FOREVER.

Sincerely,
Ed Vincent
Leader of NCWBFGWCRF
("No Capcom Without Big Fat Guy Who Chops Really Fast")

Artist's rendition of E. Honda in retirement.