From: "Christian"
To: "'lostbrain@lostbrain.com'"
Subject: Privacy Policy
Date: Wed, 3 Jul 2002 01:23:46 +1000

•••From http://www.lostbrain.com/privacy.html•••

"From time to time, we may use customer information for new, unanticipated uses not previously disclosed in our privacy notice. If our information practices change at some time in the future we will post the policy changes to our Web site to notify you of these changes and provide you with the ability to opt out of these new uses. If you are concerned about how your information is used, you should check back at our Web site periodically."

Oh, get fucked.

This is little more than dumbed-down legalese that says "From time to time, we reserve the right to rape you as we see fit. If we want to, we may write about our rights to rape you in some obscure place, but we certainly won't tell you about it directly".

Someone may give you their email address as a customer (note that I am not a customer). That is their explicit choice, and requires them to do something. In response, they have to "check back" to see if anything has changed.

The least you could do is have some reciprocal respect and notify them of changes to your policy. This privacy statement is all about self-protection and opening up your own greedy options, and not at all about customer protection. At least be honest and title it "Implicit rights that you accept you lose when you become a 'customer' of this site". Calling that document a "Privacy Statement" is as oxymoronic as Microsoft's "Digital Rights Management". Thankfully, both are very suseptable to legal challenge (not that I'd bother with a trivial site like lostbrain, but hey, to me at least principals matter). And I don't care if I spelt suseptable incorrectly.

Basically, you are saying that you can and will do anything at all that you see fit with your "customers" information, and, perhaps, write something (somewhere on your website) that mentions it. Although both of us know that you would do no such thing, and/or that most people wont check back for changes.

If someone offered you $1 per account, you'd take it and ask what type of lubricant they'd like to use. Although, of course, it's not you that is getting raped. Would you post "We just accepted $1 for giving your details to some low-life marketroid agency. Expect spam for the indefinite future. Thank you, and visit LostBrain soon!" on your site? OK, that was hypothetical.

Just for fucking once I'd like to see a Privacy Statement that was not a Raping Statement:

"We respect your privacy and guarantee that we will never give any of your personal details at all to anyone, ever, unless we contacted you first and you conceeded".

What's so fucking hard about that? Pretty straight forward. "Ha-ha", you say, "only ignorant dicks have statements like that". Cocksucker. Get some balls.

"Oh, but we need to make money, we're starving, under-appreciated comedic social commentators". Bullshit. Do something truely worthwhile, and by definition self-sufficiency automatically results. Without being deceitful, nefarious pricks. Truth is, your articles are knee-jerk, thoughtless, depthless and gutless parodies-of-parodies. Your own articles demonstrate at least this level of self-knowledge.

"Oh, I need to make money, please let me rape your privacy rights so I can make money". Either get a real job, or stop leeching. Shit like this makes me angry. People are unknowingly signing away their privacy to leeches like you that set youselves up as a nominally satircal site, but you're as bad or worse than those that you parady. Hypocritical fuckwits.

Sure, "everyone else does it". Hey, I'm not singling LostBrain out. You all suck equally. You and the fucking marketroid drones that try to make money without actually producing anything.

I'm just so fucking sick of indirectly watching people unknowingly sign their identities / preferences out for nothing, and having hacks like you make money off it. Think about it. You're fucking leeches. "But we make content". Three self-righteous hacks that wouldn't know satire if it lept up and bit them on their hypocritical, WASP right-wing know-it-all, condescending arses can't make worthwhile "content" (and don't even get me started on that marketroid term).

Sure, that last sentence was poorly constructed, but I'm not asking you to pay for it, and I'm certainly not just assuming a licence allowing me to spam you indefinitely for it either.

Sincerely,
Christian