• You'll be featured on every sports magazine, newspaper and talk show across the country. Reporters will beg to cover you, or at least the ones I haven't put in prison.
• Sales of your shoes, shirts, shorts and other merchandise will skyrocket.
• You'll be asked to evaluate talent for American Idol 2.
• Your team signs you to a foolish contract extension that forces them to pay you at least $60 million over seven years, even if you've been mortally wounded by gang fire.
• You sign a recording contract with DeathRow Records.
  
• You get to sleep with Halle Barry.
• Halle Barry goes to prison for accusing you of rape.

And if your posse has been implicated in your crime, don't worry. I'll get those charges dropped AND get them a sitcom on the WB. That's action.

I am devoted to taking the crime you committed and turning into the best thing that's ever happened in your life. By the time I'm done, you'll wish you had actually committed more crime.*

That's Jim Durnovitz.

Athlete Attorney at Law.

* Please do not commit more crime until first consulting with Mr. Durnovitz. Services not available to residents of Alaska or Hawaii.